So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
