Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
