dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
