Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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