Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
