My first STD was from a foam party
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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