you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
