I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A+ Viking dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
