Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
