Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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