Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
