Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
