So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
