do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
