His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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