I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
