if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
