Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
