I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A bitchslap is in order.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
