Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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