last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
