I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
