im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
