the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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