Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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