I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
