anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
