For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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