Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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