i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
