I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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