hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
