i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
