so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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