Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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