I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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