Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
