If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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