Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
