There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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