Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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