Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
