Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
