Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
