i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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