areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
