And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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