god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
