I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Couch. On fire.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
