oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
