Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
